your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
