It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
