I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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