It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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