he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
