so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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