some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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