His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
