that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
