I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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