i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
