i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
