I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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