Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
