plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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