Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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