My pussy is not your playground.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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