that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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