I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
