I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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