i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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