I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
