you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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