found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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