He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
