Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Randomize
