I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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