Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
