hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
