he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
