I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
