Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
