she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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