oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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