I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
this is an emotional support booty call
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
