I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
