"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize
