it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
