Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
