dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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