I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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