Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
