I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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