whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
