ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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