dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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