just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize