Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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