You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it hurts more in the daytime
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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