with your own penis?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
