I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
