i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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