Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
