I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
