Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
