i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize