so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
porn star boner night. come get it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
