I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
