you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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