How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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