I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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