You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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