he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
