I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You may now shotgun with the bride
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
