1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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