just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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