Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
