I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
