Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
