he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is Oprah even human
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
