I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
