I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
