Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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