Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize