even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
