If i come over, it means nothing
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
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