: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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