I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
