i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So squirting runs in the family.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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