tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
