I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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