Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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