i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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