i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think your dad took our porno
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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