you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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