quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
