xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
