im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
