Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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