I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
