i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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