I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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