I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
