i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
